I don’t trust this movie!!

Kevin Smith used to be a hero of mine. Clerks, Dogma, and even Mallrats I adored. Then something happened. He made some lame movies. I thought he was finished but Clerks 2 proved me wrong. My faith in Smith was restored.

However instead he quickly nosedived again, with the attrocious Zack & Miri make a Porno. It sucked. Badly. Could he do it again? Could he bounce back with another quality film?

His next is Red State. I’d like to think it’s gonna be Smith back to his best, but his reluctance on settling a deal with a distributor and the quote from Quentin Tarantino he relies on in the trailer make me doubt this.

Of course Quentin ‘fucking loves’ your movie! You’re friends! Plus I don’t think i’ve ever heard Quentin Tarantino say a bad word about any movie! He love’s all movies!! You wanna impress me get a ‘real’ critic to quote in your trailer or better still, don’t rely on any quote just show me a captivating trailer that makes me interested in the movie you have to offer!

Here’s hoping this isn’t the end of Kevin Smith but reactions already have been mixed we can find out for ourselves in September.

Horrible Bosses – horrible film?

I’ve never killed a man, that i’m aware of. I’ve never even fantasised about killing a boss, but i’m told most people do, and I can understand why. I’ve been lucky to avoid them but sometimes horrible people with zero people skills and an evil streak are stupidly given sub-ordinates to manage. There are bad people in power, and maybe they should be killed?

Horrible bosses let’s it’s three ‘heroes’ enter this scenario. Nick (Bateman) is being blackmailed into working like a slave by his boss Harken (Spacey), Kurt (Sudekis) is left reporting to partyboy Bobby (Farrell) after his beloved boss dies, and Dale (Day), well, no one feels too sorry for him, he’s having to put up with constant sexual advances from Jennifer Aniston, but he seems to think this is a bad thing in light of his recent engagement.

On paper it all sounds great, a distinct story that any workplace drone can route for, three of the best ‘everyman’ comic actors of today portraying the three workers, and three more established actors as their evil bosses. This looked promising, and I desperately wanted it to be great, but unfortunately past the premise and casting the film has nothing else original to add. Set pieces we’ve seen before in weak sitcoms, more awkardly racist jokes, and a very easy and unbelieveable transition from everyman to wannabe killer from the main cast. It’s as if they had the premise for the film and said ‘Stop! With a premise this distinct who needs more?’ Wrong. This could have been great with a few rewrites, instead we’re left with a huge missed opportunity for a classic comedy.

Bateman is always watchable but again he’s in crusie control here not having to do anything he hasn’t done before. He pairs off well against Spacey but surely after three seasons of Arrested Development and several movies even Bateman is bored of playing Bateman. He’s fine, and likeable enough, but more of a glance of his home life might have expanded his likeability. We never get much of a glance of any of the main three other than when they’re in work, at the bar, or staking our their bosses from their car. It leaves us with a very limited knowledge of their characters and beyond their drive to have an easier time in work we learn nothing of their personalitys, alas I didn’t really care.

Jason Sudekis starts off promisingly enough as a genuinely likeable figure who cares for his bosses company but shortly in that collapses and he retreats to an Owen Wilson impression to allow for cheap chatting up gags with women who apparently find him charming after two or three cringey lines. Thankfully Colin Farrell steals the show playing his boss as a spoilt brat coke head with a taste for hookers and no regard for lives or the enviroment over profit. He’s funny, physically and verbally. Every line he delivers is worthwhile and hilarious, unfortunately he just doesn’t get enough of them. The film could have benefitted from more Farrell. Hopefully this is the start of much more comedy from him.

The film also redeems itself somewhat with Aniston as a sexed up dentist constantly harrasing her assistant Day into sleeping with her. Day is believeable as the one guy who wouldn’t want to touch her and even get’s a nice backstory regarding his inclusion on the sex offenders list, and Aniston surprises us all being extremely funny and filthy. I’d love to see her and Farrells characters get a spin off movie.

At the end of the day this is a comedy, and story and character arcs can all be forgiven if we get a few chuckles. There are some, just not enough. It falls well short of this summers Bridesmaids and even one half hour episode of Days It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia will have you laughing more. Not a bad film by any means just one that with a bit more thought really could have been special. Avoid it and wait to see it on TV, or an airplane, or stream it in work when the boss is on lunch.

2 out of 5

Could this be the worst movie ever?

I saw this trailer before Harry Potter and couldn’t work out whether it was a piss take or real. By the sounds of things this films taking itself seriously. Holy shit.

It’s got it all, kid looking for the inner hero in his father to come out, the doubtful mother, in debt to gangsters, the underdog boxer who, wait a second, happens to be a robot? WTF? I know the human race is getting stupid but surely that only contributes to us wanting to see humans in pain rather than emotionless robots? This just looks awful. Hugh Jackman what are you doing? Yes The Fountain and Australia lost some studio execs a lot of cash, but do you really need to do this? I could be wrong, this might turn out to be one of the most emotional drams of the year, but i’m gonna guess no, it’s just a big ol bad bad movie. So bad it might be good!

We all love boxing training montages. We all love robots. This has got boxing robot training montages!! Woo hoo!

So bad it could be good, or so bad it’s just all out bad?

Harry Potter 7 Part II – it finally ends

I enjoyed the Potter series. I tried reading the books but couldn’t get into them, but the films managed to entertain me. They were never masterpieces, especially the first few, but the last two films have nicely shifted the tone to a darker story with more substance. I couldn’t tell you which Potter film is which, they’ve all blended into one, and they are in no way rewatchable, but for the most part their relatively fun entertainment.

Finally we’ve reached the end. Voldermort is fully formed and ready to run amok in the wizard world and it’s up to Harry to step up to the mark and finally face off against his greatest enemy. Hogwarts is run by the bad guys, Harry and his friends are wanted fugitives, their good elf companion is dead, things couldn’t be worse. From here they set off on a seemingly sucidial mission to track down a few remaining instruments which when destroyed may help them defeat Voldermort.

It all moves at a nice pace, constantly shifting location and characters, there’s plenty to keep us watching. The problem is there just isn’t enough drama. Even for someone like myself who hasn’t read the books it’s too easy to know who’ll live and who wont. Only background characters get the chop, any characters that have had more than two lines of dialogue (bar one) that we’ve invested time in are always predicatably safe, meaning when the ’emotional’ death scenes happen, we don’t really care. It also makes the big final battles very uninvolving as no one important is believably at risk. The action works well when at it’s most subtle, nicely done one on one wand fights. As soon as the action expands it loses all sense of excitement. Pointless set pieces like a room being engulfed in flames that morph into shapes adds nothing to the story other than running time and special effects.

Some of the characters get some promising moments. Nevilles arc from chubby loser to courageous rebellion leader was nicely built but when his pinnacle moment comes to deliver a heroicly defiant speech to Voldermort the script lets him down. ‘There’s a bit of Potter in all of us!!’ Cringe. The script does get some things right though, deciding to show Harry and Rons sisters developing love story at a minimum, cause lets face it, if they had known a bit part would turn major they would have signed someone who could act to the part of Rons sister.

Voldermort is easily the best thing about the film, he starts to show some characterisitics and personality for the first time, even cracking a joke. But it’s all too little too late. It should have been a classic demise of a bad guy, up there with Darth Vader, but instead for a character that’s taken a decade worth of film to develop it’s all very quick and easy. Ralph Feinnes really captured the evil of this character excellently if the script had been half as good as he was this could have been great.

Having not read the books I cannot speak as to the changes between film and book. I have been told before that a lot of the film faults come from similiar faults with the books. If so JK Rowling is a sucker for cliches. After breaking into a bank vault at Gringotts the two-faced dwarf turns to Harry and says ‘I said i’d get you in, I never said I’d get you out’ we all know exactly what’s going to happen. Whoever utters that line in a movie will get their karma and die while the heroes will narrowly escape. There’s too much of this in the film, we can almost predict the outcome of each set piece, reducing the tension we should be enticed by.

Despite the flaws it’s still an enjoyable film. It all looks amazing, the design and details of everything is excellent. The lighting and effetcs are flawless. It’s also matured nicely with it’s target audience of kids, ageing along with the young teens who first entered the cinema all those years ago, to deliver a more mature film for those kids now in their twenties. The word ‘bitch’ even sneaks in, and there’s even splatters of blood. A dying Voldermort foetus looking creature is perhaps a bit too much though, this may freak out the younger kids.

Not bad but the last leg of the journey really should have went out on a bang, but i’m sure the die hard fans will be quite entertained.

2 out of 5

The Tree of Life – Cinema at it’s best

Not really about anything but at the same time being about everything is one of the confusing ways you might describe The Tree Of Life to a friend. There’s no real plot or characters to grasp, instead moments, lots and lots and lots of moments. This is a Terence Malick film, those without patience leave the room now.

And leave they did. At least one third of the audience left within the first forty minutes. Those who made it through the difficult to digest first forty minutes stayed until the end, and I bet they’re glad. Malick doesn’t make many films, but when he does they are something to appreciate, and the Tree of Life is his most personal and most accomplished film to date.

Let me start by saying I love Malick. My first Malick experience was The Thin Red Line. I was instantly struck that this was a director with a very clear unaltered vision for his movies, a true auteur with unique style. He does not do compromise. His contract states that producers are barred from the set of his movies. Their will be no interferring with Malick’s vision.

Jack (Sean Penn) moods around the skyscrapers of Houston, reflecting on his dead brother. We see flashbacks to his parents (Pitt and Chastain) several years earlier recieving news of their sons’ death. The family struggle to understand why God would take their brother and son from them. To try and understand why, Malick takes us back to the start, the very start. The Big Bang, the Cosmos developing, the Earth forming, violent volcanoes, all intersected with whispers of prayers from each of the cast. It’s impressive stuff, beautiful images dance across the screen to the tune of a choir. Amazing to witness but if you’re not a Malick fan this could be your ticket to leave. At this early stage in the movie it’s hard to understand why we are seeing all this, and what it has to do with the plot. If you stay you’ll never quite know exactly why, but you’ll understand that yes, in reference to the whole film this section is necessary.

From there things get (somewhat) easier to take. We see the birth of Pitt and Chastains first son (who will become Sean Penns character) in 60s Texas. We follow the child as it grows up in idyllic surroundings of vast green lawns and big friendly dogs. Another son is born, and his older brother looks on curiously. As the brothers age we see the conflict between the teachings of their mother, to love everything, and their fathers desire to have them be strong men, and not taken advantage of. This middle section of the film really is something else. I could list individual moments all day that in any other film would be the centrepiece but here are just at a glance. Human nature, the parts we can’t quite convey in words, Malick somehow conveys here in some of the most beautiful moments ever comitted to film. The excitement of having a dog in the car, the horror of a young child buried, all shown beautifully.

The final chapter will divide audiences. It does preach, but when the message is so pure what’s the harm? This is Malicks film, and he is making the film he wants unashamedly, and few directors do that, but maybe if they did our cinemas would be better place. Go see, you’ll either punch me in the face or hug me for my recommendation.

5 out of 5

No smell of bacon from Gleesons Guard

Another film from another McDonagh brother that’s managed to attract the best of homegrown talent (Brendan Gleeson) and some fancy outsiders (Don Cheadle) as well as again striking up fantastic buzz at the Sundance Film Festival, ‘The Guard’ arrives with a lot of hype which may well be it’s downfall. An accomplished movie indeed, but not the indie sensation one would be led to believe.

Gleeson plays Boyle, a Guard in the ‘Wesht’ of Ireland happily plodding along not taking his job too seriously, stopping for pints on duty, havin’ the odd pill aquired from young joy riders, playing with corpses, that is until some murderous drug barons and an FBI agent (Cheadle) show up in town, and Boyle starts to show signs of being an uninterested but clever Guard whose bluntness may be the factor needed to see through some shady goings on.

Gleesons great as we’ve always come to expect from him, and the banter between him and Cheadle is easily the best thing about the movie, and deserved more screentime over the weaker subplots. These scenes are where the script shines and the chemistry works it’s best, Gleeson plays the ‘innocent’ Irish racism card in ways that even Cheadles character comes to find charming, and the mutual respect that grows between them is believeable, and doesn’t rely on gimmicks.

There’s a lot of good on display but unfortunately a lot of bad too. The subplots with Boyles ailing mother and a fellow Guards Croatian wife, quite simply just don’t work. In these scenes the acting weakens and whatever mood they were trying to convery fails. Also we all know Ireland with our grey days is a hard country for any cinematographer to shoot in, but surely Larry Smith who worked as part of the lighting crew on Kubricks ‘The Shining’ and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ should have been better prepared than this. We don’t expect flashy smooth lighting in a relatively low budget picture but over exposed exteriors and badly lit interiors make it all look very cheap, and much of the editing is erratic and awkward. A film with such a great cast and a promosing script deserved better production than this, and it’s not lack of money just look at Lenny Abrahamsons ‘Garage’ shot for even less for an example of a low budget film that still managed to take time and care with lighting and editing.

Despite it’s failures the Guard is a promising debut from McDonagh and further proof that Gleeson really is one of the best in the business. Bored on a rainy evening, or a huge Gleeson fan, go see it, otherwise wait til McDonaghs next film to spend your hard earned cash, if he irons out the creases he’s en route to making something very special.

3 out of 5

Welcome!

I’ve made it my mission to write a review for every film I see from this moment forth. Please comment your asses off.

Why? I dunno? Let’s do this…

And yes hopefully over time i’ll spruce up the page, cause let’s face it, it ugly!